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It feels so good to be BACK. The past week has been emotionally exhausting, both exhilarating and confused depression. I have been continously persuaded to stay back at my current place. The magnitude of the persuasion has put me into a deep state of confusion that it took me a good week to bring things into perspective. I pondered alone, talked to a few people, contemplated, prayed and brooded and finally arrived at my decision. Once that was done, I felt liberated and fired up to continue work, where I had last left them.

Aspirations

Recently I asked my students to write a piece of essay on how they arrived at their decision to be in this course and what they hope to achive at the end of their studies. Some of the essays that I received totally suprised me. They changed my views on my students, in an incredible way. Here are some of them:

1) There are two students who have no interest in the business course. They are here because they have been forced to do so by their parents. Both are planning to finish the course but still continue to fulfill their dreams of becoming beauticians.

2) There is one who aspires to expand her mom's cheongsam making business, one who wants to take over the father's furniture business and one who wants to build a chain of shops specialising in surfing equipments.

3) There is one boy who chose to study business because he was inspired by his father, a successful bussiness man in Oman.

4) And then there are a couple of them who chose to come to this college for some funny reasons (funny at least to me (: for the beautiful football field and the low car park fee.

5) There are two who wanted to be pilots and one who wanted to become a doctor but all gave up their dreams due to the sky high costs of becoming pilots and doctors and also because they were the eldest in the family and they don't want to burden their parents who also need to educate the younger siblings.

6) Finally, there is one who wants to excell in her studies because she wants to make her mom proud although her mom has been in coma for some time now.

And I tought my students are a bunch of Gen Z who are only interested in having lots of fun and only look for the easy way out in everything. This simple task became a learning exprience for me. Students are like diamonds, the harder a teacher polishes, the better diamonds the students will be.

The Last TIME...

Lately, I am doing many things for the LAST time in my present work place. Yesterday was the last Open Day, today was the last exam invigilation... It brings a kind of sadness. Although I am very happy about my new job, the idea of living this place that I have known so well envelopes me with emotions. I never thought that I will feel this way. I thought that I had severed all strings of attachment. But it looks like I haven't. At some moments, I even feel guilty of feeling so happy to leave.

Just a moment ago, a colleague remarked that I look so relieved. I guess my inner feelings are reflected on my outer looks. I feel so spirited to wake up in the morning and come to work. At work, I feel I can handle anything. Strange! I wish I had felt this way before, during the times when I had wanted to stay on. Why now? What changes brought about this feeling of relief and happiness?

I have started a countdown of my last days at work here.

The Letter Long Overdue

I have finally decided which road to walk, to move on. The four days leave gave me enough time for clear thinking and planning. I finally decided and handed in the letter today. The reactions of the bosses are immaterial any more. Even though there will be persuasions of staying on, it will not be possible. I have set my mind and heart on my new destination.

It is all probably for good reasons. As I always think, you can only see one piece of the jigsaw puzzle at a time, but God can see the whole picture. He knows which piece to give at which time so that you will have a perfect picture at the end. I have firmly believed in this philosophy all my life and found that it never let me astray. It might seem imperfect at the time of happening but it always ends well.

I have been at my current place for the last seven years and it has been good memories all along. I want to leave the same way too. As I was telling a colleague, I have tried my best to be a good person and that has helped me miraculously. I want to leave in that way too.

Cross Roads

Exactly where I am now, a cross road. Two paths that will lead me in two different directions. One path, I have trodden down it. I went up its hills and down its valleys. I basked in its sunshine and weathered its rains. I smelled its flowers and frowned at its rocky paths. I met many wonderful friends along this path. Some walked with me for a while, and then ventured off along different roads. Others have walked with me till now.

The other path, a new one opened to me recently, looks nice. I have not decided to walk on it yet. I think I can see wide green fields and warm sunshines. There are also glimpses of beautiful scented flowers, friendly people and pebble strewn paths. I am so tempted to take this path, to leave the one that I have been travelling till now. I am so inquisitive to explore all the suprises waiting for me in this new road.

My feet feels so heavy to leave the familiar path and take the one less trodden. Am I stuck in a comfortable zone for too long that it has made me afraid at new challenges? I am confused.

I am hoping that the long break will shine some light to guide me along the correct path.

PeRsPeCtIvE

Today, I found out a piece of news from a colleague that I should have known when the decision was made between him and my boss, as that decision will affect my planning and administration. I was exasperated. I was damn angry and wanted to confront my boss. As he was busy entertaining someone in his room, I sat down to rehearse how to approach this matter. This is not the first time my boss has done such things, and I hope it won't become a habit.

But then again, should I be angry that I was the last one to know or should I be happy that I at least got to know. My way of looking at this matter will greatly influence how I will handle my discussion with my boss. If I decided on the first, I should be angry for being left out of the important decision. I will probably tell my boss that if something goes wrong (which I am pretty sure it will), he will have to bear the responsibility. If however I choose the latter, I will probably be glad that I got to know it before damaged could be done. I will also probably try to figure out some sort of crisis management and prevent the matter from worsening.

This incident really struck smething wonderful in me. I can control the situation or I can let the situation control me.

This part is written after I had my discussion with my boss. It is true indeed. What could have been an ugly confrontation turned out into a fruitful understanding of each others needs.

Wala! Well done Mal.